An email story from my mom to make you chuckle…

GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and  nature. What in the world is going on down there  on the planet? What happened to the dandelions,  violets,  milkweeds  and stuff I  started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance  garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of  soil, withstand drought and multiply with  abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting  blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and  flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast  garden of colors by now. But, all I see are  these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The  Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers  ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them  and replace them with grass.
GOD:  Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not  colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds  and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s  sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites  really want all that grass growing  there?
ST. FRANCIS:  Apparently so, Lord. They go to great  pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin  each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning  any other plant that crops up in the  lawn.
GOD:  The  spring rains and warm weather probably make  grass grow really fast. That must make the  Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS:  Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows  a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a  week.
GOD:  They  cut it? Do they then bale it like  hay?
ST. FRANCIS:  Not  exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put  it in bags.
GOD:  They  bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell  it?
ST. FRANCIS:  No,  Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it  away. 

GOD:  Now,  let me get this straight. They fertilize grass  so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they  cut it off and pay to throw it  away?
ST. FRANCIS:  Yes,  Sir.
GOD:  These Suburbanites must be relieved in the  summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up  the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves  them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS:  You  aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the  grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses  and pay more money to water it, so they can  continue to mow it and pay to get rid of  it.
GOD:  What  nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees.  That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say  so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring  to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In  the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a  natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and  protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural  cycle of life. 

ST. FRANCIS:  You  better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have  drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall,  they rake them into great piles and pay to have  them hauled away.
GOD:  No!?  What do they do to protect the shrub and tree  roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and  loose?
ST. FRANCIS:  After throwing away the leaves, they go  out and buy something which they call mulch.  They haul it home and spread it around in place  of the leaves.
GOD:  And  where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS:  They  cut down trees and grind them up to make the  mulch.
GOD:  Enough! I don’t want to think about this  anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the  arts. What movie have you scheduled for us  tonight?
ST. CATHERINE:  ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord.  It’s a story about….
GOD:  Never mind, I think I just heard the whole  story from St.  Francis.

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