Being the Perfect Guest

“Courtesy demands that you, when you are a guest,  
shall show neither annoyance nor disappoint no matter what…”  
~Emily Post

No matter what the event is or how well the hostess has planned and prepared, success depends on enthusiastic, congenial and considerate guests.

A welcome house guest above all is ADAPTABLE. Be ready for anything or nothing at all.

As a guest it is not necessary to ever eat anything that goes against your morals or that you are allergic to. Proper etiquette says to NOT mention these in advance to your hostess so she doesn’t feel obligated to change her menu. It is pretty hard to plan around everyone’s likes and dislikes. Just avoid the items you cannot eat or choose not to. If necessary have a snack before arriving. If you know that you will not be able to eat anything being served you might discuss it with your hostess so she knows that you will be bringing a meal for yourself prepared according to your restrictions. A classic example of this would be an Orthodox Jew who requires a kosher meal. For family and close friends this can be more lenient. I know that when I first met my husband’s family I would never have dreamed of mentioning my food allergy to anyone in advance for fear of making extra work for them. After the first time I avoided a certain food because of an ingredient in it, my sister-in-law noticed and over the years has begun to even read labels on foods before I visit so we can avoid a problem in the future. That’s because she’s a good hostess!

You may want to help your hostess, but avoid the temptation to chase her into the kitchen trying to help and then end up chattering away while she’s trying to make her last minute preparations. Take your cue from the hostess. If you have offered to help and she has declined your help, don’t insist. She evidently has a plan. She will always appreciate your offer though.

Conform to the habits of your hostess. If they are early risers, while you are their guest so should you be within reason. There is the chance that you are an early riser or unable to sleep in the late evening. Take a book with you to while away the time when perhaps your are awake and they are not. If you read one of your hostesses books during your visit, do not dog ear the pages and return it to its proper place before departing.

Never stay longer than originally planned. End you visit while you and your hostess are both having a good time.

Leave your room and bath as you found it. My sister-in-law says “Do NOT try to do something nice by stripping the bed for your hostess”. She may not be prepared to do the laundry that day and would prefer to do these tasks on her own time line. But Emily post suggests you ask the hostess first and at the very least remove the sheets and fold them at the foot of the bed after pulling the spread into place to make the bed appear made so the hostess does not forget to change them. Use your best judgment based on your relationship with your hostess.

Don’t forget your “bread and butter” gift for your hostess. My sister-in-law is the one person we stay with regularly. As close family, etiquette sometimes disappears depending on who all is involved, but I never ever forget to bring a bread and butter gift for her, a small token of my appreciation picked out just for her. It can be as simple as a bouquet of flowers or a box of candy, but should be something she will personally love.

Follow up your visit with a thank you note within a day or two.

What do you do special for your hostess?

An email too true to pass up – You might live in a country founded by geniuses, but run by idiots if….

You might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots By Junius P.  Long

  • If we concentrated on the really important stuff in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles…you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
  • If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally …you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
  • If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion …  you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
  • If the only school curriculum allowed to explain how we got here is evolution, but the government stops a $15 million construction project to keep a rare spider from evolving to extinction …  you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
  • If you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor or check out a library book, but not to vote who runs the government …  you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
  • If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines with more than ten rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt …  you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
  • If, in the largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not a 24-ounce soda because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat …  you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
  • If an 80-year-old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a woman in a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched …  you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
  • If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more …  you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots. If a seven year old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher “cute,” but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable …  you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
  • If children are forcibly removed from parents who discipline them with spankings while children of addicts are left in filth and drug infested “homes”…  you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
  • If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government intrusion, while not working is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing and free cell phones …  you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
  • If the government’s plan for getting people back to work is to incentivize NOT working with 99 weeks of unemployment checks and no requirement to prove they applied but can’t find work …  you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
  • If being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you more “safe” according to the government …

HAVE YOU WASHED YOUR WINDOWS RECENTLY?

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside. “That laundry is not very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.” Her husband looks on, remaining silent. Every time her neighbor hangs her wash to dry, the young woman makes the same comments.

A month later, the woman is surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and says to her husband: “Look, she’s finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this? “The husband replies, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”

And so it is with life…  What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look.

Photo: A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside. "That laundry is not very clean; she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap." Her husband looks on, remaining silent. Every time her neighbor hangs her wash to dry, the young woman makes the same comments.  A month later, the woman is surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and says to her husband: "Look, she's finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this? " The husband replies, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."  And so it is with life... What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look