Thursday Thirteen

I know everybody and their brother got this email, but it was too fun to pass up for a Thursday 13.
  1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
  2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
  5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  7. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
  8. Bad decisions make good stories.
  9. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
  10. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes – to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
  11. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!),but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
  12. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
  13. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet, on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Bud Light than with a Kay jewelry product.



  1. Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
  2. In a Podiatrist’s office: “Time wounds all heels.”
  3. On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
  4. At a Proctologist’s door: “To expedite your visit, please back in.”
  5. At an Optometrist’s Office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
  6. On a Plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
  7. On another Plumber’s truck: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
  8. On a Church’s Billboard: “7 days without God makes one weak.”
  9. At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: “Invite us to your next blowout.”
  10. At a Towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
  11. On an Electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
  12. In a Non-smoking Area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
  13. On a Maternity Room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
  14. On a Taxidermist’s window: “We really know our stuff.”
  15. On a Fence: “Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!”
  16. At a Car Dealership: “The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”
  17. Outside a Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
  18. In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
  19. At the Electric Company “We would be delighted if you send in your payment However, if you don’t, you will be.”
  20. In a Restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”
  21. In the front yard of a Funeral Home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”
  22. At a Propane Filling Station: “Thank heaven for little grills.”
  23. CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP: “Best place in town to take a leak.”
  24. Sign on the back of Septic Tank Truck:“Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”