Category: RECOVERY IN PROCESS

NEW BEGINNIGS, LUCK & STILL GOING STRONG ~ BLOG 366.41B

A New Beginning… and Lucky… and still going strong 13 years later… so 13 IS a lucky number…

13 years ago I’d been struggling with a way to get back into the swing of things here in blogland.

You see I’d been struck with those words that we all fear hearing from our doctor. You know, any phrase that includes the words cancer, chemotherapy, radiation or surgery. For me it was the worst Christmas present imaginable so I persevered and didn’t really let on to most of the family in the beginning – no sense ruining anyone else’s holidays since no further testing could be scheduled until after Christmas.  

You do truly go through the 5 stages of grief augmented with periods of disbelief and a lack of comprehension when you get news like that.  It doesn’t matter how well schooled you are or how intelligent you are, those words hit you like a ton of bricks.

Just before my diagnosis I had begun my food blog, Always Eat On The Good China, I developed the name after reading a letter that Erma Bombeck wrote when she knew she was dying from cancer.  I even put a quote from her on my side bar that I found extremely poignant. At the time I had no idea how apropos it would be. I have since combined the many blogs, but it worked to set my attitude.

It was around that same time that I had an appendicitis attack – I still had my appendix and it had been chronic since I was 9 years old.  Or at least I thought I was having an appendicitis attack.  We now know that I was having pain from my ovary that was growing into what was being described as a baseball to small cantaloupe sized mass.

Fortunately for me at my well woman exam that year the nurse practitioner noticed what she thought was an enlarged uterus and she ordered an ultrasound because she feared uterine cancer.

The ultrasound was on the Tuesday after Christmas. The words changed, but stayed the same, cancer was still in the phrase, but now it was ovarian cancer. To it they added terms like tumor and oncologist.

My brand new doctor (I’d never met him prior to the ultrasound tech calling him into the exam) in a brand new town thought I was in shock because I didn’t cry and react hysterically. He just didn’t know me well enough to know I was really okay.  But, I’m a fixer, so my next phrase is always, what next? 

What next turned out to be a referral to MD Anderson Cancer Center and a surgical oncologist, Dr. Diane Bodurka, whom I adore by the way! She and her team made it possible for me to stay both positive and see the light at the end of the tunnel. Their Motto is “making cancer history” which struck me as the right positive note for me.

The next 2 weeks and 5 days were a whirlwind of blood draws, X-rays, CT scans, MRI’s, chemical stress tests, consultations, clearances and…

I underwent surgery on February 1st knowing full well all the fine print, legal jargon and potential pitfalls of this diagnosis.  I also knew that because of the size, I would awake to only a possible pathology. Instead I awoke to hear things like “self-contained”, “experimental chemo pelvic wash and expensive shots”, ”no metastasis” and “surveillance” as well as that the cantaloupe was actually a volleyball with a balloon twist. 

While we waited for the final pathology I was home after a week in the hospital and catering to the whims of a 10 inch zipper through multiple layers of muscle that posed their own issues due to my Systemic Lupus and getting my energy back while regenerating the tissue.

Honestly when I was able to think straight again all I started hearing was dollar signs when I thought about what the insurance would and would not cover. I cannot tell you or ever express how thankful I am to have been in the right place at the right time, even if it was for a bad thing like the BIG C. MD Anderson went above and beyond to find benefactors to cover the experimental procedures that the insurance would not cover.

Because of my family history (maternal grams had breast cancer twice and her sister died of it 🙁 ) I did require more testing including the BRCA testing which at the time took a lot for the insurance to cover. Fortunately, the test was negative. I tell you I would have had the surgery in a heartbeat had the test been positive.

Before it was all over I had signed about a million forms (only a slight exaggeration) so that the tumor could be sliced up and sent to various research facilities as it was now classified as a “RARE and UNCOMMON” gynecological tumor.

With that I’ll leave you with this email story that crossed my desk a while back. True or not, it’s heart warming and endearing and worth the read. It struck me a bit close to home because I had my own Lucky back at home named Whiskey. My uncle said all she would do was lay on my bed and hang her head sadly.

I choose to believe in the bright and positive. I have had quite a few other health scares since that day, but it taught me NOT to take anything for granted! EVER!

Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named ‘Lucky.’



Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing.

Mary or Jim would go to Lucky’s toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky’s other favorite toys Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.

It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease….in fact; she was just sure it was fatal.

 She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her…what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary’s dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won’t understand that I didn’t want to leave him! The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.



The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable.

Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn’t even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap. 

Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn’t come to her when she called. It made Mary sad, but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.

When Mary woke for a second she couldn’t understand what was wrong. She couldn’t move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life.
He had covered her with his love.

Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day. It’s been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free.

Lucky… He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.

Remember….live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing from God. And never forget….the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most Credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care for us.

If you see someone without a smile today give them one of yours! Live simply. Love seriously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

STILL LUCKY

10 YEARS ago I wrote the following post. The weeks leading up to it were some of the most difficult of my life. I struggled with whether to go public or not. In the end, I’m glad I did. Now 10 years later as I prepared during a pandemic to have my momentous follow-up exam I worried. I realized I was actually scared. You see I hadn’t told even my husband about the potential of the cancer in the beginning and I had faced that testing and visit alone. But, when I got home and told him, things changed. There was not one visit to the doctor or test that I did alone. He accompanied to EVERY single one. Now here we are and he isn’t allowed to accompany me. I have to admit it concerned me to face it alone. But, he drove me there and stayed in the car, I wasn’t actually alone, it just felt like it because of the pandemic protocols. Fortunately, my fear was just that FEAR, but unfounded or not it seemed like a good time to re-run this post and the beautiful story of Lucky the dog. 😀

I’ve been struggling with a way to get back into the swing of things here in blogland. You see just 2 months ago today I was struck with those words that we all fear hearing from our doctor. You know,  any phrase that includes the words cancer, chemotherapy, radiation or surgery. For me it was the worst Christmas present imaginable so I persevered and didn’t really let on to most of the family in the beginning – no sense ruining anyone else’s holidays since no further testing could be scheduled until after Christmas. 

You truly do go through the 5 stages of grief augmented with periods of disbelief and a lack of comprehension.  It doesn’t matter how well schooled you are or how intelligent you are, those words hit you like a ton of bricks.

Last year when I began my food blog, Always Eat On The Good China (now morphed into Savory Kitchen Table), I developed the name after reading a letter that Erma Bombeck wrote when she knew she was dying from cancer.  I even put a quote from her on my side bar that I found extremely poignant.

It was around that same time that I had an appendicitis attack – I still had my appendix and it had been chronic since I was 9 years old.  Or at least I thought I was having an appendicitis attack.  We now know that I was having pain from my ovary that was growing into what was being described as a cantalouped size mass.

Fortunately for me at my well woman exam the nurse practitioner noticed what she thought was an enlarged uterus and she ordered an ultrasound because she feared uterine cancer.

The ultrasound was on the Tuesday after Christmas. The words changed, but stayed the same, cancer was still in the phrase, but now it was ovarian cancer.  To it they added terms like tumor and oncologist.

My brand new doctor (I’d never met him prior to the ultrasound tech calling him into the exam) in a brand new town thought I was in shock because I didn’t cry and react hysterically. He just didn’t know  me well enough to know I was really okay.  But, I’m a fixer, so my next phrase is always, what next?  What next turned out to be a referral to MD Anderson Cancer Center and an oncologist, whom I adore by the way!.  She and her team made it possible for me to stay both positive and see the light at the end of the tunnel. Their Motto is “making cancer history” which struck me as the right positive note for me.

The next 2 weeks and 5 days were a whirlwind of blood draws, X-rays, CT scans, MRI’s, chemical stress tests, consultations, clearances and…I underwent surgery on the 1st knowing full well all the fine print, legal jargon and potential pitfalls of this diagnosis.  I also knew that because of the size, I would awake to only a possible pathology.  I awoke to hear things like “self-contained”, “non-invasive cancer” and “surveillance” as well as that the cantaloupe was actually a volleyball with a balloon twist.  While we are still awaiting final pathology I am now at home after a week in the hospital and catering to the whims of a 10 inch zipper through multiple layers of muscle and the needs to get my energy back and regenerate the tissue.

With that, for now, I’ll leave you with this email story that crossed my desk.  True or not, it’s heart warming and endearing and worth the read.  I choose to believe in the bright and positive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named ‘Lucky.’ 

Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing.

Mary or Jim would go to Lucky’s toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky’s other favorite toys Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.

It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease….in fact; she was just sure it was fatal.

She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her…what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary’s dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won’t understand that I didn’t want to leave him! The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.

The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable.

Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn’t even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap.

Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn’t come to her when she called. It made Mary sad, but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.

When Mary woke for a second she couldn’t understand what was wrong. She couldn’t move her head and her body  felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life.

He had covered her with his love.

Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day. It’s been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free.

Lucky… He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.

Remember….live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing from God. And never forget….the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most Credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care for us.

If you see someone without a smile today give them one of yours! 
Live simply. 
Love seriously. 
Care deeply. 
Speak kindly. 
Leave the rest to God.

RECOVERY IN PROGRESS UPDATE DAY 180

It’s hard to believe we are at the 6 month mark. Sometimes it feels like it’s been 10 years already. Then when I try to eat something I’m not yet ready for I realize, it’s just been a very short time in the realm of relearning how to eat.

PROGRESS REPORT

So, for some weird AND unknown reason many food smells that were once welcoming AND comforting now turn my stomach. The doctor says this is fairly normal, but CANNOT answer why it is “normal”. Some of the once loved foods that I can no longer stand to be around are:

  • hard boil eggs
  • pancakes
  • cabbage
  • sausage

I also cannot eat much bread, potatoes or rices because they take up too much space in my egg sized portion of stomach with virtually no nutrient value.

‘REGULAR’ WILL BE A LONG TERM AND ONGOING LEARNING CURVE for the REST of my life

I have SLE (Systemic Lupus), Fibromyalgia and recently ended up with a non-weight loss stomach bypass that changed my life beyond belief.  Just 6 months ago you would NOT have been able to convince me to EVER give up ALL sugar – (nothing like waking up from a routine surgery and learning it was anything but routine and you can never again have certain things), but I have to say no sugar is NOT the worst thing ever. I ALSO DO NOT do ANY sugar substitutes or preservatives because of the SLE and Fibro. So, while my diet does become a bit limited, it is possible to cope.  The thing I REALLY miss is coffee, but am making it work with green tea which is ultimately so much more healthy.

I had needed to lose 15 pounds or so as we all do at this stage in life, but now at the 50 pound mark lost, the doctor’s concern is that I lose no more and try to maintain where I am – he actually felt that way at the 25-30 pound mark.  Because there is no “real” stomach or holding vessel for food, the body does not absorb much at all.  For that reason I have certain vitamins and supplements that will be 5 times a day for the rest of my life. I also have to be picky on what I eat as many foods still do not agree with me and I can never eat sugar again.  Anything with high fat is also an issue so it really limits my choices every day. The biggest lifetime issue will be the amount (or lack there of) of food I can eat at any given time.  My stomach is now the size of an egg.  My stomach does not and will not stretch. It also does not absorb much in the way of nutrients.  My stomach will NOT grow or change in any way.  Eating is now and always will be in the future something of a challenge.

One of the biggest shocks was the need for ALL new clothes, I went from a size 8-10 down to a 2 so far. I have had to buy ALL new underwear, bras, pants, dresses and even shoes! Yes, I said shoes. I lost an entire shoe size – I didn’t even know that was possible.  This is just one of the piles of shoes I made when trying to find something to fit on Easter morning.

RECOVERY UPDATE

I did begin my exercising this week, but it’s going slow as there are a couple complications not to mention being so weak from the excessive weight loss so fast.

For the first 6 weeks after surgery I only left the house about 3 times, twice to the surgeon for follow ups and once to church for Christmas. Our biggest fear was me catching something because of my compromised immunity, the drastic surgery and the fact that flu season is so horrible this year.  I’ve only been venturing out for the past 2 weeks and have been VERY cautious where I go and being around those that appear sick. BUT, somehow I managed to pick up a new infection 🙁 and are back on high dose antibiotics and have an ultrasound tomorrow for swollen glands in the back of my neck. I’m not normally paranoid, but I am to the point where I’m afraid to leave the house because I really want to get well and move forward.

I WANT MY STRENGTH & ENERGY BACK!!!

The other complication is learning to eat ALL over again – just like a baby. Food has to be reintroduced slowly and in very small quantities to test for tolerances, as well as be nice to all the suturing that took place.   I ate VERY well before this surgery because of other health conditions, but I eat even BETTER now! So when there are complications it just frustrates me beyond belief.

The picture above is a typical example of a stomach bypass.  Below though you’ll see what mine was.  Because of the ischemic portion there was even more suturing for me.  This surgery was more challenging also because I didn’t need to lose weight (well not this much – 30 pounds so far and still averaging about a 1/2 pound loss every day) so it’s been a serious challenge to get enough calories and food. My FitPal account won’t even post my daily results because they think it’s unhealthy.

Dumping syndrome is a condition that can also develop after surgery to remove all or part of your stomach. Dumping syndrome is also known as rapid gastric emptying. Dumping syndrome occurs when food, especially sugar, moves from your stomach into your small bowel too quickly. Early dumping syndrome is likely to resolve on its own within three months and can completely go away, but it can also last for the rest of your life!

Early dumping syndrome usually occurs 10-30 minutes after eating, but symptoms can occur as early as immediately or as late as 3 hours later (late dumping syndrome). Changing your diet can alleviate the chances of developing dumping syndrome, but unfortunately during the first few months you have to experiment with your food intake to see what your personal tolerances are. Plain old sugar is the BIGGEST culprit in causing dumping syndrome.

Dumping syndrome can be severe for some. Early symptoms can include nausea, vomiting, abdominal cramps, diarrhea, flushing, dizziness, lightheadedness and rapid heart rate. Severe cases can require medication. Late dump symptoms can include sweating, hunger. fatigue, dizziness, lightheadedness, weakness and rapid heart rate.

Fortunately, for me I have only had this syndrome a half dozen times as I’m experimenting with new foods and with limited symptoms; nausea, flushing, lightheadedness and a rapid heart rate. Honestly it feels like you’re having a heart attack and are about to pass out so I am VERY careful with what I eat and more importantly WHERE I eat. We went to lunch today at a popular burger place. We will never be going back for other reasons, but evidently they “sugar” their french fries as so many places do these days to make them brown better. This is assumption on my part, but all I ate was a hamburger patty with cheese, 2 tomato slices and 2 french fries and it ruined the remainder of my day when I ended up having the syndrome.

 

COMMENCE EXERCISE!

Today is day 60, well it’s actually day 63, but it’s day 60 of being released from the hospital and I can officially begin an exercise routine!  Knowing I would be doing my exercise at home, I researched and ordered a set of training discs a couple weeks ago so I could watch the discs in advance and familiarize myself with the routines and timing. It has been quite a long while since I have done anything this organized, but I know it’s a now or never scenario for me. So far, I’m loving these discs done by a personal trainer as if she’s working personally with you.  It’s a 12 disc set and I’m looking forward to discs 2-12. 😀

Six surgeries plus additional anaesthesias for some of the testings in 7 years have ALL taken a toll on me physically being coupled with having lost so much weight so fast (30 pounds in 60 days so far) with this surgery has left me feeling in serious need of toning my body as well as rebuilding my strength and energy.  My FitPal account won’t even post my weight loss because they say it is happening too fast and is unhealthy – DUH, hence why I’m trying to get more strength.

I ordered Personal Trainer, a 90 day program narrated by (you guessed it) a personal trainer.  I haven’t actually watched ALL 12 discs, but do like the pace and energy so far. I know this program is just what I needed!

I’m hoping that the increase in exercise will speed up digestion and increase hunger so I can actually eat more to keep my FitPal account happier 😀  LOL, the doctor says to eat whatever I want, but with a stomach now the size of an egg and the inability to eat sugar, alcohol or high fat items, what is he thinking??  He did say that eventually I probably CAN eat those things, but I’m here to tell you I have serious doubts and that’s okay too.  I’m adjusting really well (or at least better than I thought I would) to no coffee, sugar or alcohol and eating even better than before which was already REALLY good.

WEEK 4 UPDATE – RECOVERY IN PROGRESS

The bottom line to me is THIS JUST ISN’T FAIR. I didn’t need this surgery for its original intended purpose, I don’t drink or do drugs. I don’t do fast food. I have cooked from scratch (FRESH perimeter shopping, no boxes or cans) for over 30 years since I was first diagnosed with Systemic Lupus and Fibromyalgia. That said, it just proves my point that LIFE isn’t FAIR!

Despite doing everything right most of my life, I’ve ended up with the Systemic Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Ovarian Cancer and have now had an unnecessary gastric bypass because of FAILED MESH to fix a hiatal hernia, not once, but twice before!

So, while, it isn’t fair, it is now reality and I’m learning a new normal. My NEW NORMAL isn’t that much different from my old normal food wise except for amount, frequency and the BIG addition (or subtraction) of ALL sugar, most carbs and fat from my diet. I watched my sugar before, but I did take it in my 1 cup of coffee in the morning and the occasional holiday sweet. I REALLY miss coffee.  Now though there is the possibility of “DUMPING SYNDROME” which frankly scares the hell out of me. As time passes the threat of this will become less and less.  The doctor said he truly believes that by the time I’m “released” in March I will be able to eat and drink WHATEVER I want. Here’s hoping!

I had a really cool doctor doing my Upper GI test today and he showed me everything as he was doing it and where the dye was going.  Good news is there are no  leaks!  The freaky thing was his showing me my “new” stomach and it’s actual size. OMG it’s tiny – like a small hard boiled egg and it does not stretch or give at all.

DUMPING SYNDROME happens because there is no longer a “holding” vessel aka your stomach for food to sit in and gradually pass along to the small intestine. When sugars and starches that you have eaten are dumped into the bowel, they may act like sponges, rapidly absorbing water from the body into the intestine.  This leads to a number of symptoms including diarrhea, low blood sugar and feelings of weakness or dizziness.

ALL Food now passes directly into the small intestine hence why the small amounts, more frequently are more important than ever. From what I’ve read up to 75% of gastric patients may experience DUMPING SYNDROME at some point in their life, but it is most common immediately after surgery and may subside over time. The key is to avoid ALL the triggers.

There are two phases of dumping syndrome; early dumping phase and late dumping phase.

Early Dumping Phase 15-30 minutes after eating
• Caused by rapid entry of food into the small intestine
• Symptoms include nausea, vomiting, cramps, abdominal pain, diarrhea, and feeling full after eating only a small amount of food. Weakness, flushing, dizziness and sweating may also accompany early dumping syndrome.

Late Dumping Phase 90 minutes to 3 hours after eating
• Caused by a rapid rise in blood sugar followed by a rapid decrease in blood sugar
• Symptoms may include sweating, fast heart-rate, weakness, feeling tired, anxiety or mental confusion

General Guidelines to Prevent Dumping Syndrome

  • Eat six to eight small meals daily to avoid eating too much at a time.  You may be able to tolerate larger portions over time, but keep servings small at first.
  • Have a protein food with each meal and snack such as meat, poultry, fish, eggs, milk, cheese, yogurt, nuts, tofu or peanut butter.
  • Do not drink liquids with meals. Drink 30 to 60 minutes before or after meals. Eventually you may tolerate small amounts of liquid with meals.
  • Limit high-sugar foods such as soda, juice, Ensure, Boost, cakes, pies, candy, doughnuts, cookies, fruit cooked or canned with sugar, honey, jams, jellies.
  • Choose high-fiber foods when possible.  These include whole wheat breads and cereals, whole wheat pasta, fresh fruits and vegetables.
  • Choose foods high in soluble fiber.  This includes apples, oats, beets, Brussel sprouts, carrots, spinach and beans.
  • Try adding a serving of fat to meals and snacks such as butter, margarine, gravy, vegetable oils, and salad dressings.  Fats slow stomach emptying and may help prevent dumping syndrome.
  • Some people find that avoiding very hot or very cold foods can be helpful.
  • Chew foods well and eat slowly. Try to relax while eating.
  • Lying down right after eating may lessen symptoms.

YAY!! Today we start the new phase of my diet – trying to add back in fresh fruits and vegetables in VERY small amounts. I have to say that I have missed salads the most! I’m praying I can tolerate that salad!

WEEK 2 RECOVERY UPDATE

I an now entering the “SOFT” diet for at least 2 more weeks and then everything has to be in VERY small portions that are protein packed. SOFT is a relative word in the world of food.  They are really only adding 3-4 things to my diet, so it is still basically bland, unflavorful and plain. This ENTIRE process is about retraining my body and my mind.  Life as I knew it in the food world is over! It really is that plain and simple!

The part about this surgery that sucks is that I am NOT obese and did NOT need a gastric bypass for weight loss, but ended up with one because the doctor could not save the stomach after the BIO mesh side affects from previous procedures. So, life literally got tipped on its end from when I went into surgery and when I woke up – what was scheduled had to be drastically altered mid surgery.

I had wanted to lose a few pounds, which is definitely a done deal now. Now, I just have to make sure to get enough calories to not let it get out of hand!

I have been craving a silly scrambled egg FOREVER it seems! I also get to add a spoonful of peanut butter – YUMMY! And I told hubby not to get too comfortable with his bachelor diet. Starting next month as soon as I can muster enough energy to cook I am going to to take a hand at some Ramen Fusion. 

I’m already looking forward to 2 weeks from now when we enter the Pre-Regular Stage. The real trick will come in March when the lifetime diet takes affect! I am looking forward to the taste of REAL food, but not the digestive process.  Honestly REAL food scares the hell out of me. I’ve always been a type A person who eats too fast and food that too hot.  This is FORCING me SLOW down, chew more and eat less more often.