The Sneeze ~ another email Gem for the graduation season!

They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the already crowded auditorium. With their rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt.

Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away tears.

This class would NOT pray during the commencements, not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it.

The principal and several students were careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.

The speeches were nice, but they were routine until the final speech received a standing ovation.

A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then, it happened.

All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED !!!!

The student on stage simply looked at the audience and said,

‘GOD BLESS YOU’

And he walked off the stage…

The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a unique way to invoke God’s blessing on their future with or without the court’s approval.

This is a true story; it happened at the University of Maryland .

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Where the term smart ass came from

I couldn’t resist sharing this.  My girlfriend sent it in an email and I’m still LMAO.  Ironically I’ve known here since were 2 and 3 years old and when we were kids she had no ass.  I always envied her.  So to me this was even funnier.


With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren’t heavy, we are enormously Cultured, educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good grief, look how smart I am!

Must be where ‘Smart Ass’ came from!

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THE BAPTIST WHITE LIE CAKE ~ A little Sunday Morning Humor

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially all of the ladies who bake for church events.

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies’ Group in Tuscaloosa , but forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack up for Scout camp.

When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, “Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!”
 
This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of friends.  So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. She found it in the bathroom – a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing.

Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect. And, before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work,  Alice  woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone & called her mom.

Alice was horrified-she was beside herself! Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed! All night,  Alice  lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice  promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time.  She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP’d , she couldn’t think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south and to Alice’s horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!  Alice  felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!  She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor’s wife said, “What a beautiful cake!”

Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, “Thank you, I baked it myself..”

Alice smiled and thought to herself, “God is good.”

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For all my teacher friends… I love this email.

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said,  “Let me see if I’ve got this right.  
  • You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.  
  • You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.  
  • You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.   
  • You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams. 
  • You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.  
  • You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.   
  • You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . . I CAN’T PRAY?

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THE GLASS OF MILK – another great email worth sharing

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his Way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.

Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you?”

You don’t owe me anything,” she replied. “Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness.”

He said … “Then I thank you from my heart.”

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Many year’s later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.

Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.

Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.

Dressed in his doctor’s gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.

He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won.

Dr. Kelly requested the accounting office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge, and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words … “Paid in full with one glass of milk” (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.

Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: “Thank You, God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands.”


There’s a saying which goes something like this:
Bread cast on the water comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time.  If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place – And, after all, isn’t that what life is all about?
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CRACKED POTS

This was one of those emails that reminded me that there is a reason for everything, the glass is always half full and perception is everything.  I hope it makes you smile.

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

‘I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.’

The old woman smiled, ‘Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side?’

‘That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.’

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.’

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You’ve just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

So, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

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ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELVES? OTHERS ARE.

At the risk of sounding “old fashioned” I have to ask, don’t you care how you present yourself to the world?  (Now I know this doesn’t pertain to most of my readers, but I bet a few of you know someone like this) Personally I prefer NOT to look like an idiot to the masses. Of course this is just my opinion, but I believe the world could be a kinder, better place.
All families have words and issues.  These are some of my favorite TV families that had issues at times, but presented a cohesive family unit without profanity, sexual innuendo every other word or cattiness.  They were wholesome and taught their children the value of manners, etiquette, kindness, fairness, right from wrong and how to live by setting an example.

One of the things that irks me most is that kids today, girls in particular, don’t seem to care how they present themselves to the world.  Just a couple of examples would be how they dress.  Now, I’m not a prude by any means, but if I were even 20 pounds over weight I would not be wearing a skin tight tank top in public allowing the rolls of fat the “hang” out.  I also know that tattoos are “IN”, but  think about it girls, where it is now isn’t where it will be after a kid or two or gravity catches up with you in 20 years. Are you someday going to want to wear that strapless wedding dress?  Do you really want that skull and cross bones in your wedding pictures?
Next would be their speech.  Hey I cuss sometimes, we all do in certain instances, usually anger.  But, using the “F” word in their everyday conversations in loud voices is just plain vulgar.  Using it in print on social networks is just stupid!  Do they not realize what the permanency of looking like an idiot, a gossiper or back stabber on social networking sites can do to them, their families or their futures. 

Then there would be their lack of respect for their families, friends, themselves and their elders as well as those around them in a public forum.  Last time I checked it was still polite to say thank you, please and excuse me when appropriate.

I recently read about a girl who was whining about how she hated her job on facebook.  Her superiors read about it too.  Then they fired her.  Now before you say they didn’t have the right, think about it.  What she did was bad PR for her employer in a public forum. Then there are the job candidates who are never even hired because HR researched them on social networks and just didn’t think they would be good representatives of their company based on how they carry themselves in public.  I also read a “friends” rants and raves on facebook about a customer and it didn’t take much of an imagination to know who she was “hypothetically” talking about.  I remember reading a story about an insurance agent who was fired after discussing a case in an elevator.  She didn’t use names, but she did happen to describe the exact symptoms of another passenger on the elevator.  That passenger filed a complaint with the insurance company and the agent was let go.  There is a sense of privacy that no longer exists in today’s world.  We all need to be responsible for our words and expressions, freedom or not to say them or express them.
I’ve also read about potential college candidates whose college applications were declined because of my space pages or facebook entries.  You can talk about freedom of speech or freedom of expression, but have we as a society taken it a bit too far?
I’m all for teaching kids right from wrong, good from bad, how to be independent and think for themselves, but I’m also all about teaching them when they should be kind, thoughtful, generous, helpful and when to hold back a bit and show compassion and understanding.  It’s not always all about us as individuals.  In fact, most of the time it isn’t, but today’s generation truly seems to be a “ME” group with an inflated sense of entitlement, a serious lack of manners or sense of etiquette and a lack of compassion.
Being conservative in our thoughts and actions is a way to protect what’s right about our families.
Now being called June Cleaver does not offend me, I just say thank you and politely walk away.
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FOOD FOR THOUGHT…THE BRICK

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down

when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag’s side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver

then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, ‘What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That’s a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?’ The young boy was apologetic. ‘Please, mister…please, I’m sorry but I didn’t know what else to do,’ He pleaded. ‘I threw the brick because no one else would stop…’ With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. ‘It’s my brother, ‘he said ‘He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can’t lift him up.’

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, ‘Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He’s hurt and he’s too heavy for me.’

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat.. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. ‘Thank you and may God bless you,’ the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watch ed the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: ‘Don’t go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!’ God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don’t have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It’s our choice to listen or not.

Thought for the Day:
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend – He is crazy about you!
Send this to every ‘beautiful person’ you wish to bless.
God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

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