13 Golden Rules for ALL Cooks & CREAMY FRENCH ONION ARTICHOKE DIP

Recently I have been wrestling with a time crunch.  Trying to be everything to everyone takes sooooooooooooooo much out of you.  One of my coping mechanisms is to keep a notebook with me so I can jot down things as I think of them.  One of my newer tools is going to be NOT to stress about things as much and like today I’ll scan in my handwritten notes when necessary and save the typing time and make it a bit more personal too.
CREAMY FRENCH ONION ARTICHOKE DIP
The original recipe called for:
4 ounces cream cheese at room temperature
15.5 ounce container of french dip
15.5 ounce can artichoke hearts, drained and coarsely chopped
1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup + 1 tablespoon scallions
1 tablespoon fresh chopped parsley
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon pepper

  • Whisk cream cheese until fluffy.
  • Stir in dip and artichoke hearts, cheese, 1/4 cup green onions, parsley, garlic powder and pepper.
  • Refrigerate until ready to serve.
My version calls for:
4 ounces cream cheese, softened
16 ounces sour cream
KNORR French onion soup mix
1 1/2 cups artichoke hearts, drained and coarsely chopped
1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
1 large bunch green onions, chopped
2 cloves garlic
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper

  • In a small food processor pulse artichoke hearts, garlic, green onions and Parmesan cheese until smooth.
  • In a small mixing bowl blend together the sour cream, Knorr mix and cream cheese until smooth.
  • Add artichoke mixture and blend well.
  • Refrigerate until ready to serve.

PEARLS BEFORE SWINE by STEPHAN PASTIS & TEQUILA ROSE FIZZES

Click on the picture to make it larger!

Does this describe your life at any point in time? Be honest. I know we have all felt like we were at the end of our rope at one time or another. What do you do to “recover” from those feelings?

I try to stay positive at all times, but even an optimist has their moments. I remember one night when hubby and I were out throwing back sipping a few drinks with friends and hubby was going on about some silly thing and I pointed out the positive part while trying to overshadow the bad. Now hubby all in good nature turned to me, smiled and said, “you know you can be a real bitch sometimes”, then he laughed and kissed me. My point is that life isn’t all wine and roses and sometimes too upbeat can be just as annoying as always pessimistic so it really is okay to feel like this cartoon every now and then, just don’t linger there.

Instead you need to make these – they’ll make you smile!

TEQUILA ROSE FIZZES
4 ounces Orange Juice
1 jigger Tequila Rose
4 ounces 7 up

  • Blend orange Juice and tequila rose together until well mixed.
  • Add 7up.
  • Enjoy.
  • Next time I’m going to add some rum too!

13 TIPS for an easy to use kitchen…

These days I need all the motivation I can get.  One of the things that helps me most is an easy to use kitchen.  I thought I’d share a few of the more important items (at least to me).  I hope they help you get organized and motivated.
  • You don’t need tons of kitchenware, just some good quality multi-use pieces.  I love my Pampered chef stoneware and Emeril Stainless steel pans.
  • Make sure your serving dishes and utensils are handy.
  • Keep the spices you use most often handy!
  • Arrange pantry items in a logical, easy to use order (at least to you).
  • Rotate your flours, sugars and spices regularly.  These items do lose the strength and potency.
  • Arrange your pots and pans in a logical order so that your most used items are towards the front.
  • Arrange your small appliances, tools and gadgets so they are easy for YOU to use!
  • Quality is the keyword whether you’re talking about cookware, knives or recipe ingredients.
  • Prepare as many ingredients before you begin cooking.  Sometimes I’ll prepare all the ingredients for my weeknight recipes on Sunday to make it easier and quicker to put week night dinners together.
  • Make as many components of your meal in advance as you can – things like dips, vegetables or desserts for example.
  • Use the freshest ingredients available and plan your menus around the season’s available fruits and vegetables.
  • Prepare a small sink of hot soapy water before you begin so you can clean as you go.
  • Clean as you go!

ESSENTIAL KITCHEN cooking/ baking EQUIPMENT revisited…

Today I want to tell you my idea of the best equipment for a kitchen.  You don’t need all the fancy gadgets to be a successful cook and most kitchens don’t have the space to store them so here are my ideas.  Remember that many tools and equipment are versatile and can be used in many ways.
  • A cast iron pan is a MUST! And it MUST be well seasoned.  Cast iron retains the heat AND distributes is evenly.  Chris over at Nibble Me This has a great process for re-seasoning any cast iron that you might have.
  • Large stockpot or two.  I have a 6, 8 and 10 quart that nestle together well.
  • 5-6 quart dutch oven.
  • 1,2,3, AND 4 quart sauce pans.
  • 10 and 12 inch saute pans.
  • 8, 10 and 12 inch skillets.
  • Heavy Wire Racks for cooling.
  • 8 AND 9 inch square and a 9×13 ceramic stoneware baking dishes.
  • Stainless steel cookie sheets.
  • SILPAT baking mats for the cookie sheets.
  • Bundt pan.
  • Loaf pan – I prefer glass or ceramic.
  • Angel Food Cake pan.
  • Deep dish ceramic pie plate.
  • Regular and Texas Muffin pans.
Tomato Bisque

2 tablespoons butter
1 medium Vidalia onion, chopped
2 large carrots, chopped
1 celery stalk, chopped small
4 cloves garlic, minced
4 cups fresh Roma tomatoes, peeled
4 cups chicken broth
3 or 4 sprigs fresh parsley
5-10 fresh basil leaves
2 bay leaves
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
Sea salt and white pepper to taste
Grated Parmesan cheese for serving

  • Melt butter in a large soup pot over medium heat. 
  • Add chopped onions, carrots, celery and garlic.
  • Cook stirring often until soft, about 8-10 minutes.
  • Add chicken broth and tomatoes, stirring well.
  • Tie herbs together in cheesecloth and drop into the soup. This makes it easy to remove later.
  • Season with sea salt and white pepper to taste.
  • Reduce heat to low and simmer covered for 30 minutes.
  • Remove herbs and discard.
  • Add whipping cream and blend until smooth.
  • Ladle into bowls and top with freshly grated cheese and fresh basil.
Pairs really well with Tuna Melts.
TUNA MELTS
1 large can white albacore tuna packed in water, drained and drained again!
8 sweet pickles, chopped fine
2 green onions, chopped fine
1/4 cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon white pepper
1 hard boiled egg, chilled, peeled and chopped fine
2-4 tablespoons butter
1 slice Muenster cheese
1 slice extra sharp cheese
4 slices frozen potato bread

  • Drain the tuna in a fine mesh sieve and then use a spoon to mash all the water out again! Drying out the tuna is crucial.
  • In a mixing bowl whisk together the mayonnaise, lemon juice, salt and pepper.
  • Chop the sweet pickles and green onions extremely fine.
  • Fold tuna, pickles and onions into Mayonnaise mixture.
  • Chop egg finely and fold into mixture.
  • Melt 2 tablespoons butter on griddle over medium high heat. Add more as necessary to keep from burning.
  • Toast all 4 slices of bread while still frozen*.
  • When butter is melted lay all 4 slices in butter and top 2 slices with muenster and the other 2 slices with the sharp cheddar. Allow them to heat through, melting the cheese.
  • Add the tuna to 2 slices and close them up.
  • Continue cooking until golden on all sides and heated through.

*Using frozen bread makes the bread lighter and more easily toasted golden.

KITCHEN UTENSILS ~ COOKING TOOLS OR GADGETS?

Kitchen utensils and/or gadgets is one of those subjective topics.  Each and every cook has “their” set of indispensable kitchen tools.  Let’s face it, they are tools, but in our case they are fun tools and everyone’s idea of fun is a bit different.  I’m going to give you my idea of “essential” tools, but you’ll have to develop your own list based on your own experience, perceptions and expectations.  I have been known to use many “tools” for other than their intended use with great results.  I’m a little like MacGyver in the kitchen ~ whatever works to get the job done is fine by me.   To me, gadgets are dust collectors though many other people may use their gadgets with great success.
  1. Cutting Boards ~ I have several and always use a fresh one when changing from meat to vegetable.
  2. Mortar & Pestle ~ Mortars and pestles were traditionally used in pharmacies to crush various ingredients.  Mortars are also used in cooking to prepare ingredients like grinding herbs into finer powders.
  3. Salad Spinner ~ I like my salads dry and love a good salad spinner from OXO.
  4. Juicer ~ I use a small manual juicer that works great.
  5. Colanders ~ I have 3 sizes of stainless steel colanders- small, medium and large and love having the choice!
  6. Kitchen timer ~ I’ve tried them all, but prefer my Pampered chef electronic one.  It’s the only one I seem to be able to hear all over the house.
  7. A couple of nice pairs of tongs.  I like my Williams Sonoma tongs with the locking hinge.
  8. A selection of slotted spoons in various sizes.
  9. A selection of non-slotted spoons in various aizes.
  10. A selection of flexible spatulas in various sizes.  As I replace them I select a silicone heat resistant version of what I previously had.
  11. A selection of pancake turner style spatulas.
  12. A selection of ladles in various sizes.
  13. Potato Masher.
  14. Vegetable Peeler.
  15. A good whisk and a couple of Pampered chef mini-whisks.
  16. Meat Thermometer.
  17. Candy Thermometer.
  18. Pampered chef pan scrappers.
  19. A rolling pin.
  20. Biscuit cutters.
  21. 2 sizes of hand held graters and a smaller rasp style for herb and spices.
  22. Garlic Press.
  23. Pastry Brush.
  24. Pastry Cutter/Blender.
  25. At least one set of stainless steel measuring cups.
  26. At least 2 sets of stainless steel measuring spoons.
  27. Several sizes (2, 4, 8 cup) glass measuring cups.
  28. 3 sizes sieves.
  29. Several silicone “wooden” spoons.
  30. Turkey baster.
  31. Pastry Bag and tips.
  32. Cookie Spatula.
  33. Pizza cutter.
  34. Vegetable/Steamer insert.
  35. And just for Martha K, good quality sharp knives which we will look at next week. 🙂

BLACK FOREST CUPS
1 sheet puff pastry
1 can Comstock cherries
2 tablespoons Rum
2 tablespoons sugar
1/2-1 teaspoon cinnamon
2/3 cup milk chocolate chips
3-4 tablespoons butter

  • Thaw pastry sheet for 40 minutes. 
  • Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees. 
  • Combine sugar and cinnamon. 
  • Unfold pastry sheet onto lightly floured surface. 
  • Top with floured sheet of wax paper and roll slightly larger. 
  • Cut into 12-3 inch squares. 
  • Press 1 piece into each muffin cup. 
  • Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar. 
  • In the microwave melt the butter and chocolate together – stir well. 
  • Place a spoonful of chocolate mixture in the center of each one, reserving enough for drizzle. 
  • Mix together the Comstock cherries and rum. 
  • Divide cherry mix in the center of each. 
  • Bake 12 minutes or until golden. 
  • Drizzle with remaining chocolate mixture. 
  • Cool in pan on wire rack for 10 minutes. 
  • Remove from pan and cool another 10 minutes.

KNIVES & CHOCOLATE CHIP OATMEAL RAISIN PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES aka KITCHEN SINK COOKIES

Knives are another of those subjective items.  Especially with knives it is extremely important to go for what feels good and is easy for you to use.  I have some Cutco knives that I love, but can’t afford (mine were a gift) to add on to as a set.  I also have some of the older Pampered Chef knives that I love, but their newer ones are just not the same quality. I have a couple from the restaurant that my dad and grandfather ran when I was a baby and I also have some old Wilkinson knives from my maternal grandmother that I love!  I have a lot of knives, like cutting boards I use a clean one with the change in food and use.
I prefer a French, German or Brazilian made knife, but that too is a personal preference.
I think that there are a few essentials that will get you by in any kitchen:
  • SANTOKU – I like this over a traditional chef’s knife because it is a bit shorter with a thinner and broader blade. The indentations on the side make it easier to cut through food by creating air pockets that reduce the friction to make for a smoother cut.
  • UTILITY –  this knife will become your best friend – it’s the ALL PURPOSE knife that does everything that the specialty knives don’t.
  • PARING – great for coring, peeling and trimming vegetables especially.  I have several of these. 
  • CLEAVER – This one doesn’t get used much, but is essential if you need to cut through bones.
  • BONING – The long, narrow, thin blade of this knife works to get into tight places when you’re trimming fat and tendons away.
  • BREAD – scalloped teeth of a serrated edge is great for cutting through bread and softer foods. 
  • SLICER – a long thin bladed knife that is ideal for slicing roast beef.
  • POULTRY SHEARS – these are essential if you want to cut up your own chickens.  Many times I can save a ton of money by buying the whole bird and cutting it apart myself for fried chicken.
  • MANDOLINE – okay I know it really isn’t a knife, but it has a sharp metal edge so I include it in this category.  Don’t skimp on this, get a good quality.
I recommend that you keep your knives sharpened.  A good quality sharpener is as easy to use as your most comfortable knife.

CHOCOLATE CHIP OATMEAL RAISIN PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES aka KITCHEN SINK COOKIES
1 cup butter, softened
1 cup peanut butter
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup maple sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 Jumbo eggs
3 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon espresso powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup oatmeal
1/2 cups minced walnuts
1 1/2 cups chocolate chips
1 cup golden raisins

  • Sift together the flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and espresso powder.
  • Cream butter and peanut butter together.
  • Add the sugars and cream again.
  • Add the vanilla and eggs and cream until smooth.
  • Gradually add flour mixture until well blended.
  • Add oatmeal until well blended.
  • Add nuts and combine well.
  • Add chocolate chips and combine again.
  • Add raisins and mix well.
  • Drop by spoonfuls onto a greased cookie sheet.
  • Press down slightly.
  • Bake 12-15 minutes.

Can We Motivate Others to Be Kind and Caring by being that way first?

I originally posted this at 3 Sides of Crazy October 2008, but I find it necessary to repeat more and more as time moves forward.
Have you ever noticed that many people tend to save their best manners for when there is company or are they are in the company of strangers? Have you noticed how the relationships that matter the most in their lives are manner free so to speak? Is this true of your life? Our families and close friends are some of the most important relationships and the longest and most enduring, don’t these people deserve our very best?
I recently overheard a young mother complaining that her child was not learning manners in school. Hello? Manners should be taught by parents AT HOME and begin at a very early age. There is nothing wrong with demanding our own children learn how to say please, thank you, take turns, share and be respectful of their elders in their home as well as out in the world around them. In fact, the fate of our society may well depend on it. Learning it at home first will hopefully extend into their everyday world and future business life. Children crave discipline and direction. Offer it up to them.

Some of the major categories that should be addressed while they are young are the basic please, thank you and table manners, but don’t stop there. They should be taught about privacy, and how to answer the phone and the door properly. Privacy is a two way street. Your children crave it as much as you do. As long as the lines of communication are open and there is an element of trust between you and your child this should not be an issue. Left unattended children are naturally nosy and will snoop, eavesdrop and tattletale creating even bigger issues. Learning how to greet people properly at a young age will help them to overcome shyness and social settings with strangers. Shyness is not an acceptable excuse for the lack of politeness.

No matter the fashion fad, being clean and neat shows your children to respect their own bodies and ultimately they will realize that neat, clean and polite convey a self esteem and self confidence that moves with them through their life. Giving in and letting them ‘do it’ because all the other kids are only brings their self-esteem down and creates a herd animal mentality. Now I know this makes me sound as old as my grandmother, but I do believe this whole heartedly.

All of these build to teaching older children to become young adults that learn to entertain one or more friends, date and plan events for a group. They need to learn how to make an invitation, how to RSVP and when a hostess gift is called for. They need to understand what you expect in your home so that they can not only abide by it, but learn to appreciate and live it. One day they will have their own homes and children and you would like to think that you helped give them a head start on making that life a bit easier.

In today’s world we no longer have the ‘traditional’ family with 2.2 kids and a stay at home mom. So you do need to tailor all of this around your own family life. whether it has stepparents, extended family, grown kids who have moved home, etc… It is NOT written anywhere that you must be a soccer mom gone from home 5 nights a week where no one sits down to dinner together and offers up conversation and manners. Have a family night, dinner night, game night or some such. Offer up your very best to those you love.

CELL PHONE ETIQUETTE

The Revival of Common Courtesy was something I began over at 3 Sides of Crazy a couple of years ago mainly because of a rude driver.  Unfortunately I allowed it to fall by the wayside in all the confusion of life, but lately feel like the revival needs reviving. We have all been feeling the stresses of everyday life lately and with the holidays approaching I think we need to remember what’s important in our lives.  To do that we have to put the people in our lives first.  Everything else does need to be done, but it is small stuff by comparison.  I get Dear ABBY sent to me in email everyday.  Most days I scan and delete, but this one struck a nerve with me.
Recently I have noticed an influx of people on cell phones in restaurants in particular and with all the bluetooths and ear pieces these people appear to be talking to themselves for all intents and purposes.  I was particularly annoyed with a table across the way where 2 gentlemen were having conversation, but not with each other.  They were both on their phones.  My uncle asked me what really bothered me since they would be talking to each other anyway.
Have you ever noticed in a restaurant that you hear people, but your not really listening and it’s okay as long as they are not yelling or screaming.  It is just a normal “flow” of conversation so it is background noise?  I hadn’t really given it much thought until this particular day.  One guy was obviously talking to his wife about the kids and some discipline issues in a normal tone and the other guy was talking to an employee and loudly barking orders – NOT the normal flow of a conversation hence it was disruptive.  Their food came and they ate, but also took more phone calls.  I don’t think they said a word to each other, just their phones so it was quite disjointed and not the typical conversational “background noise”.
If I go to a restaurant and spend hard earned money for a meal I want to enjoy it.  Not one of us is so important that we have to have a bluetooth hanging from our ear all the time and take every call that comes in. And before you say it might be my kids, I already know that, but teaching our kids that it is NOT all right to interrupt is our job and that includes being out with hubby or friends.   My kids would text a 911 and know that the house better be on fire or something similar in order for it to be considered an emergency.  Otherwise, it will wait until I get home.  Personally I vote for a NO CELL PHONE section in a restaurant.
So I offer you this Dear Abby and will let you draw your own conclusions.
DEAR ABBY: When I am out with my friends, they can’t keep their hands and eyes off their cell phones. They sit there and text whatever guy they’re involved with, and I feel like they would rather be with anyone else but me.  I have talked to them about it, but they say I “don’t understand” because I have never been in a relationship. Abby, I’m not jealous because they have guys to talk to. I am hurt that my friends think cyber communication is more important than spending time with friends. What do you think? — TEXTED OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR TEXTED OUT: I’m glad you asked. It is rude for people to behave the way you have described. Good manners dictate that people give their undivided attention to those they are with. To do otherwise sends the signal that their present company is less important.

A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE

Several years ago I bought my mom one of those books, “What my family should know”.  She has been great about getting it all filled in though I already pretty much know where she keeps everything, but not everyone does.  It really doesn’t matter how old we are either.  If you have kids you need to be organized and prepared which brings me to my point today.  Have you seen the new Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel movie, “Life as we know it”?
I don’t think it got very good reviews, but I thought it was cute and it proves my point here.  As parents, having those ducks in a row, wills in place, insurances paid up, college funds in place, god parents chosen and prepared are essential.  OOPS, that’s kind of what this movie is about – the parents forgot to mention the plans to the god parents and get them prepared.  
In the end we can always work it out, but life moves so much smoother if we’re prepared.  So if you need a cute rental, I recommend this movie to lighten your mood and maybe it will help you get more prepared.

TWICE BAKED POTATOES

TWICE BAKED POTATOES 
4 large baking potatoes
8 slices bacon
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup milk
4 tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese, divided
8 green onions (tops and all), sliced and divided 
  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
  • Bake potatoes in preheated oven for 1 hour or until done through. 
  • Meanwhile, place bacon in a large, deep skillet. Cook over medium high heat until evenly brown. Drain, crumble and set aside. 
  • When potatoes are done allow them to cool for 10 minutes. Slice potatoes in half lengthwise and scoop the flesh into a large bowl; saving skins. 
  • To the potato pieces add the sour cream, milk, butter, salt, pepper, 1/2 cup cheese and 1/2 the green onions. Mix with a hand mixer until well blended and creamy. Spoon the mixture into the potato skins. Top each with remaining cheese, green onions and bacon. 
  • Bake for another 15 minutes.

SOUR CREAM DUTCH APPLE PIE

SOUR CREAM DUTCH APPLE PIE
PIE
3+ cups apples, cored, peeled and chopped
lemon juice
3/4 cup sugar
2 tablespoons flour
pinch of salt
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon maple extract
1 small egg, beaten
1/2 cup sour cream (not light)
9 inch pastry shell, pre-baked and cooled

TOPPING
1/3 cup flour
1/3 cup dark brown sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
4 tablespoons butter, sliced extremely thin

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Chop the apples and combine with just enough lemon juice to coat and prevent browning in large bowl.
  • In a small bowl sift together the flour, sugar, cinnamon and salt.
  • Fold in the sour cream, egg, vanilla and maple extract until well blended.
  • Fold the sour cream mixture into the apples until well coated.
  • Carefully pour into the pie shell, mounding towards the center.
  • Toss together the topping ingredients until well blended.
  • Sprinkle topping evenly over the apple mound.
  • Lay the pieces of butter all over the top.
  • Bake 30 minutes or until apples are tender.
  • Best served with ice cream or fresh whipped cream. If you want to be really decadent try it with Caramel Sauce.

The Big “C” and perspective

Many years ago when I first met my Rhuematologist, she refused to provide me with support groups for SLE (Systemic Lupus).  I was only 25 when I was diagnosed and quite honestly scared to death by the literature I had been reading.  I was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Raynuad’s Syndrome. In the blink of an eye I went from jogging 5 days a week, playing raquetball 2-3 times a week and living a carefree life to taking multiple prescriptions and cutting out most activity because of the pain it brought on and all just so I could make it from one day to the next.  This all seemed a lot to deal with and I thought wow, maybe a support a support group would help.  My doctor disagreed.  She believed my positive outlook would carry me farther than others sob stories and pity parties.  I didn’t listen to her and sought out a support group anyway.  It didn’t take me long into the meeting to realize that while it was nice to meet others with the same condition, the outcomes really depended on internal strengths and weaknesses and that my doctor was right, I needed to focus on the positives.

Shortly after my visit to the support group, I walked into her office and held out my hand.  In it was an entire day’s worth of medications, something like 30 pills.  I told her I refused to live the rest of my life like this – taking all these pills each day and enduring not only the symptoms of the disease, but also the side affects of the medication, especially because they predicted it wouldn’t be a long life.  I anticipated her telling me that it was just what it was and to learn to live with it.

I was wrong, she jumped at the chance to help me change my life, lifestyle and overall perspective!  My college training and background is medical in nature which makes for an unusual patient.  One that understands – sometimes too much or just enough to scare yourself because you anticipate what comes next.  

Ultimately, perspective and attitude travel hand in hand no matter the diagnosis.  Along with that culture, age and personality play into every attitude.  But, attitudes can be changed and updated, it’s entirely up to us.
To refresh your memory these are the 5 stages:
The 5 stages of grief or acceptance:
DENIAL – “this can’t be happening to me”. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.
ANGER – “why me?”, feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.
BARGAINING – bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
DEPRESSION – overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
ACCEPTANCE – there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the change or loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn’t leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals should turn toward personal growth.

Get help. You will survive. You will heal (at least emotionally), even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss (loss can also be a chronic illness or even a situation where we do not have control) is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can’t stop living. We have to become stronger. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to facilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.