Category: FOOD FOR THOUGHT

An email story from my mom to make you chuckle…

GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and  nature. What in the world is going on down there  on the planet? What happened to the dandelions,  violets,  milkweeds  and stuff I  started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance  garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of  soil, withstand drought and multiply with  abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting  blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and  flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast  garden of colors by now. But, all I see are  these green rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The  Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers  ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them  and replace them with grass.
GOD:  Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not  colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds  and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s  sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites  really want all that grass growing  there?
ST. FRANCIS:  Apparently so, Lord. They go to great  pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin  each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning  any other plant that crops up in the  lawn.
GOD:  The  spring rains and warm weather probably make  grass grow really fast. That must make the  Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS:  Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows  a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a  week.
GOD:  They  cut it? Do they then bale it like  hay?
ST. FRANCIS:  Not  exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put  it in bags.
GOD:  They  bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell  it?
ST. FRANCIS:  No,  Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it  away. 

GOD:  Now,  let me get this straight. They fertilize grass  so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they  cut it off and pay to throw it  away?
ST. FRANCIS:  Yes,  Sir.
GOD:  These Suburbanites must be relieved in the  summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up  the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves  them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS:  You  aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the  grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses  and pay more money to water it, so they can  continue to mow it and pay to get rid of  it.
GOD:  What  nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees.  That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say  so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring  to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In  the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a  natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and  protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural  cycle of life. 

ST. FRANCIS:  You  better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have  drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall,  they rake them into great piles and pay to have  them hauled away.
GOD:  No!?  What do they do to protect the shrub and tree  roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and  loose?
ST. FRANCIS:  After throwing away the leaves, they go  out and buy something which they call mulch.  They haul it home and spread it around in place  of the leaves.
GOD:  And  where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS:  They  cut down trees and grind them up to make the  mulch.
GOD:  Enough! I don’t want to think about this  anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the  arts. What movie have you scheduled for us  tonight?
ST. CATHERINE:  ‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord.  It’s a story about….
GOD:  Never mind, I think I just heard the whole  story from St.  Francis.

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POSITIVE THOUGHT

“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; 
Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; 
Love more, and all good things will be yours” 
~Swedish Proverb
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Serious Food for Thought

The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you’re not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue and goal. Don’t take it personally when they say “no” ~ they may not be smart enough to say “yes”.
~ Keith Olberman, an American journalist and former sportscaster

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40 years of marriage = LMAO email from an awesome woman

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant .  Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table . She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish . ‘

The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband . ‘ The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands . 

The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again .  I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me . ‘  The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish .  So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof! . . . the husband became 92 years old .

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female . . . . .

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21 pieces of sage advice for a happy life ~ another email gem.

  1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
  2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, t heir conversational skills will be as important as any other. 
  3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. 
  4. When you say, ‘I love you,’ mean it. 
  5. When you say, ‘I’m sorry,’ look the person in the eye. 
  6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. 
  7. Believe in love at first sight.
  8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much. 
  9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely. 
  10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. 
  11. Don’t judge people by their relatives. 
  12. Talk slowly but think quickly. 
  13. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, ‘Why do you want to know?’ 
  14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 
  15. Say ‘bless you’ when you hear someone sneeze. 
  16. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson. 
  17. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
  18. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 
  19. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 
  20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. 
  21. Spend some time alone.

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The Sneeze ~ another email Gem for the graduation season!

They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the already crowded auditorium. With their rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they looked almost as grown up as they felt.

Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away tears.

This class would NOT pray during the commencements, not by choice, but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it.

The principal and several students were careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.

The speeches were nice, but they were routine until the final speech received a standing ovation.

A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then, it happened.

All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED !!!!

The student on stage simply looked at the audience and said,

‘GOD BLESS YOU’

And he walked off the stage…

The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a unique way to invoke God’s blessing on their future with or without the court’s approval.

This is a true story; it happened at the University of Maryland .

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THE BAPTIST WHITE LIE CAKE ~ A little Sunday Morning Humor

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially all of the ladies who bake for church events.

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies’ Group in Tuscaloosa , but forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack up for Scout camp.

When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, “Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!”
 
This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of friends.  So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. She found it in the bathroom – a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing.

Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect. And, before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work,  Alice  woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone & called her mom.

Alice was horrified-she was beside herself! Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed! All night,  Alice  lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice  promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time.  She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP’d , she couldn’t think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south and to Alice’s horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!  Alice  felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!  She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor’s wife said, “What a beautiful cake!”

Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, “Thank you, I baked it myself..”

Alice smiled and thought to herself, “God is good.”

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Life…

Life has this funny way of testing us and sneaking in trials and tribulations that  weren’t in our original game plan and never quite fit into “OUR” plans for life.  That is how it’s been for me the past many months.
As many of you know I have spent the last 7 1/2 months helping out various  family members around the country.  First it was my elderly in-laws  (MIL just turned 90) who begged us to come help them sell everything including the house and move them closer to family (we all know how that went – FIL is still trying to assign sentimental prices to everything in sight) and now it is my aunt & uncle.  My aunt has end stage Parkinsons disease, such a sad disease.  My aunt is extremely artistic and a beautiful painter – or at least she was.  The Dyskinesia from the Parkinsons disease has robbed her of that ability. 

My uncle recently saw the Oprah episode on hoaders and has decided that my aunt is one.  Trust me, she isn’t.  I once worked for a real estate company as a stager for homes and they would send me in to work on homes that were similar to those on the Oprah show – those were horrible.  So ask yourself, what is my (your) happy medium on the stuff I’ve (you’ve) accumulated?  My theory?  If you have a place for each item and it’s in its place, you’re NOT a pack rat or a hoarder.  I do offer you the definitions below.


This is one of my favorite’s of hers.  I will take a few pictures this week of her paintings and put together a Thursday 13.

She does have a LARGE collection of art supplies and empty tins for storing those items in, but in her defense men do think in simpler terms and this is just a meeting of the minds discussion.  And in his defense they should be getting rid of most of this as she is now in a assisted living home and will not be able to use these items again.  Donating them to the church or a school while they are still usable would be best, but can’t be forced.  I pray that I will have more grace regarding these type of decisions if I reach that point and give up things more willingly, but none of us can ever be in one another’s shoes and truly know what we would do.

  • Also called trade rat. a large, bushy-tailed rodent, Neotoma cinerea, of North America, noted for carrying off small articles to store in its nest.
  • A person who collects, saves, or hoards useless small items or an old prospector or guide.

HOARD 

  • a supply or accumulation that is hidden or carefully guarded for preservation, future use, etc…  
  • to accumulate money, food, or the like, in a hidden or carefully guarded place for preservation, future use, etc…
Long story short (I know too late), I have decided it is time to take back MY life.  So, over the next couple of months I will be making some changes.  Some big, some small, but ALL necessary to be myself and get a handle on MY life.
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For all my teacher friends… I love this email.

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said,  “Let me see if I’ve got this right.  
  • You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.  
  • You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.  
  • You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.   
  • You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams. 
  • You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.  
  • You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.   
  • You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . . I CAN’T PRAY?“

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