Category: REVIVAL OF COMMON COURTESY

We recently had our big, once a year festival in town for Humungus Fungus. It features mushrooms, city wide rummage and sidewalk sales, a parade and street dance and many other activities. Humungus Fungus is a pretty big deal for this little town. After many hours of rummage saling, we decided to treat ourselves to lunch so we went to The Coffee House & Cafe. Lunch was okay and we left to continue with the rummage sales. Later that afternoon while I was balancing my account I saw that they had triple charged (3 pending transactions for the exact amount at the exact same time) my account. Their credit card machine is in the back room so I can not say what actually happened. I called them up and spoke with the manager/owner and she flat out denied it and said it was ‘my problem’ because she only had 1 transaction slip and didn’t know how to fix it. Here is where the personal service should have kicked in. I would have accepted her telling me that she didn’t know how to fix it, but would look into it and get back to me, BUT to tell me they didn’t do it when it is so blatantly there in black & white and that it’s not their problem when they are the merchant and I get a bit peeved! I called my bank and was told it had to be released by the merchant. So I gave her over the weekend for the issue to be resolved. Late Monday I went in with a print out of the account to speak with her as it had not been resolved. I asked her if she would look into it and she said she didn’t know how. I asked her to call the 800 number on her machine or her bank and she flatly refused. When I asked her how she planned to resolve this issue she told me not to get snotty because this wasn’t her problem and she worked her butt off there for absolutely nothing. I’m sorry, but you don’t get to cause a problem and then play martyr! I have filed a dispute and am writing a letter to the city council as well as the better business bureau, but am afraid it will fall upon deaf ears as so many things do these days. It seems strange to me that so many people are so willing to accept the lack of courtesy being provided by so many businesses. I for one will not and will boycott said business as well as spread the word. As far as I’m concerned businesses like that should be put out of business if they are not willing to provide the most basic of common courtesy. I’m a BIG believer in positive attitude, etiquette and good manners. Attitude is everything and hers SUCKED. You shouldn’t be in business if you are not willing to cater to customers ESPECIALLY when you made the error!

Ironically I recently learned that the business owner who didn’t know who to call or how to fix it worked for a local bank for a long time. Scary isn’t it?

I recently overheard a young mother complaining that her child was not learning manners in school. Hello? Manners should be taught by parents AT HOME and begin at a very early age. There is nothing wrong with demanding our own children learn how to say please, thank you, take turns, share and be respectful of their elders in their home as well as out in the world around them. In fact, the fate of our society may well depend on it. Learning it at home first will hopefully extend into their everyday world and future business life. Children crave discipline and direction. Offer it up to them.

Some of the major categories that should be addressed while they are young are the basic please, thank you and table manners, but don’t stop there. They should be taught about privacy, and how to answer the phone and the door properly. Privacy is a two way street. Your children crave it as much as you do. As long as the lines of communication are open and there is an element of trust between you and your child this should not be an issue. Left unattended children are naturally nosy and will snoop, eavesdrop and tattletale creating even bigger issues. Learning how to greet people properly at a young age will help them to overcome shyness and social settings with strangers. Shyness is not an acceptable excuse for the lack of politeness.

No matter the fashion fad, being clean and neat shows your children to respect their own bodies and ultimately they will realize that neat, clean and polite convey a self esteem and self confidence that moves with them through their life. Giving in and letting them ‘do it’ because all the other kids are only brings their self-esteem down and creates a herd animal mentality. Now I know this makes me sound as old as my grandmother, but I do believe this whole heartedly.

All of these build to teaching older children to become young adults that learn to entertain one or more friends, date and plan events for a group. They need to learn how to make an invitation, how to RSVP and when a hostess gift is called for. They need to understand what you expect in your home so that they can not only abide by it, but learn to appreciate and live it. One day they will have their own homes and children and you would like to think that you helped give them a head start on making that life a bit easier.

In today’s world we no longer have the ‘traditional’ family with 2.2 kids and a stay at home mom. So you do need to tailor all of this around your own family life. whether it has stepparents, extended family, grown kids who have moved home, etc… It is NOT written anywhere that you must be a soccer mom gone from home 5 nights a week where no one sits down to dinner together and offers up conversation and manners. Have a family night, dinner night, game night or some such. Offer up your very best to those you love.

Future themes are:
September 9th ~ Table Settings
September 16th ~ Professional Manners
September 23rd ~ Travel & Tipping
September 30th ~ Interrelationships Manners
October 7th ~ Babies
October 14th ~ Engagements & Weddings
October 21st ~ Deaths & Funerals

Though the reasons for many things has changed, the act of doing them has not. For example, in Victorian days a man escorting a woman on the street would walk on the street or curb side of the woman to keep her from being splashed by mud. These days, a man still does it, but now more for safety.

Social amenities are still in fashion despite women not being the frail creatures once thought. I know feminists everywhere will hate me, but I LIKE when my husband opens the door to a building or even our own car for me, stands when I leave the table at a nice restaurant, takes his hat off indoors or walks on the street side. After all these years we have developed an instinct for being courteous to each other. Our children were taught the same.

As a society we have wandered away from many day to day courtesies. We as parents have the responsibility to create the adults of tomorrow and that training begins at home. That is pure fact. I recently overheard a couple of moms out having lunch complaining about how their kids were not learning manners at school or in daycare. HELLO? I truly blame this on the parents. It is not up to the schools or daycare to teach the children manners. Many common courtesies are no longer practiced by many families and/or enforced by parents, but we as parents have the responsibility to make time in our lives to do just that; teach manners to our children, expect a certain level of courtesy from our children and adjust the bad habits before they get out of hand.

One of the examples of the need for everyday manners is on public transportation. Awhile back I was on a subway when a young mother carrying a baby got on as did an elderly gentleman with a cane. The car was full and not one man or teenager got up and offered their seat to either of them. I was embarrassed for us as a society!

There are some personal habits that should be addressed, but based on today’s casual acceptance I will only mention and then leave the interpretation to the reader: men removing hats indoors, slouching/posture in general, elbows on the table while eating, chewing with your mouth closed, belching/burping in public, women in dresses sitting in a ladylike manner, disposing of your gum appropriately, smoking in public, being a good neighbor, personal space/crowding and the list goes on and on.

I have seen many well behaved children and truly appreciate the effort their parents put into their training. I just get so disappointed that so many other parents are readily accepting less than acceptable in their lives as well as their children’s. The ME generation does NOT have to be here to stay. Hubby and I went out for a nice leisurely afternoon lunch today at a little restaurant we like to frequent. It is very quaint and scenic. Halfway through our lunch a young family came in (the kids were about 2 and 5). Mom and dad sat at the bar and ordered a drink leaving the kids to wander. HELLO?? The 2 year old wanted something the 5 year old had and when she didn’t get it started a tantrum that the parents were ignoring and the rest of us were enduring. NO ONE said anything! I was beside myself. Normally I would have been pissed, but not said anything. Today was not normal – I had a splitting headache and was just beginning to relax when this all occurred. I calmly walked over to the parents and asked if they wouldn’t mind taking the little girl outside to calm her down. They were quite insulted by MY nerve as they put it. I told them I was insulted by their nerve. They were clueless!! I actually had to spell it out for them that while everyone was trying to endure their little girl’s tantrum, it was not our responsibility to do so. We were all out spending our hard earned money on a relaxing day which did not include providing daycare for them as their children ran around unsupervised.

While there are even more situations we could address because our entire life is full of them (strangers, prejudice, those with handicaps, unexpected visitors, hospitals, church services, etc… the ultimate rule of thumb is and always will be the Golden Rule for ALL situations.