Category: INSPIRATIONAL

Cute Food for Thought

A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child. Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming word, would cut through the sky. Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child’s school. As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile. Another and another were to follow quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile. When the mother’s car drove up beside the child, she lowered the window and called to her, “What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping?” The child answered, “I am trying to look pretty, God keeps taking my picture” “Face the storms that come your way and don’t forget to SMILE!” ~author unknown

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Dear Dogs & Cats

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door. This is so true it left me rolling on the floor.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

  • The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
  • The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.
  • I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
  • For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.
  • The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

  • They live here. You don’t.
  • If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.
  • I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
  • To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids & teenagers because they:

  • eat less
  • don’t ask for money all the time
  • are easier to train
  • normally come when called
  • never ask to drive the car
  • don’t hang out with drug-using people
  • don’t smoke or drink
  • don’t want to wear your clothes
  • don’t have to buy the latest fashions
  • don’t need a gazillion dollars for college
  • and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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Everything is not always black or white

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde .

“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,?” asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie…”

“I didn’t ask for any details”, the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, I’m fine!?”

Clyde said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road…..”

The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde ‘s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie”.

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. “Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, “How are you feeling?” “Now what the hell would you say?”

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Fun Food for Thought

Ironically this email came across my desk as hubby and I were discussing a healthier diet and some exercise. Then I read the email and I laughed soooooooooooo hard. I thought I’d share it with you.

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it. Don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine; that means they take the water out of the fruity bits so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO HOO, What a Ride’.”

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than North Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than North Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than North Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than North Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than North Americans.

CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!

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Food for Thought

This is another of those emails that just needed to be shared. According to the email it was written By Regina Brett of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolled over to 50 this week so here is an update:

  • Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
  • When in doubt, just take the next small step.
  • Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
  • Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
  • Pay off your credit cards every month.
  • You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
  • Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
  • It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
  • Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
  • When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
  • Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
  • It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
  • Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
  • If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
  • Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
  • Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
  • Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
  • Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
  • It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
  • When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
  • Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
  • Over prepare, then go with the flow.
  • Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
  • The most important sex organ is the brain.
  • No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
  • Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
  • Always choose life.
  • Forgive everyone everything.
  • What other people think of you is none of your business.
  • Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
  • However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
  • Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
  • Believe in miracles.
  • God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
  • Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
  • Growing old beats the alternative ~ dying young.
  • Your children get only one childhood.
  • All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
  • Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
  • If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
  • Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
  • The best is yet to come.
  • No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
  • Yield.
  • Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”
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Transparent Butterfly

I received this in an email and was mesmerized by it. I don’t know where or who began it, but thought I’d pass it on to share the beauty. Click on the picture to emlarge it so you can see the real beauty of this butterfly.

It comes from Central America and is found from Mexico to Panama. It is quite common in its zone, but it not easy to find because of its transparent wings, which is a natural camouflage mechanism. A butterfly with transparent wings is rare and beautiful. As delicate as finely blown glass, the presence of this rare tropical gem is used by rain forest ecologists as an indication of high habitat quality and its demise alerts them of ecological change. Rivaling the refined beauty of a stained glass window, the translucent wings of the Glasswing butterfly shimmer in the sunlight like polished panes of turquoise, orange, green, and red. All things beautiful do not have to be full of color to be noticed: in life that which is unnoticed has the most power.

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